Welcome to Kishimoto-Sensei's Therapy Sessions!
by goddessHAX
Summary: You got problems? We don't have answers! But Kishimoto-sensei does! In a therapy session led by the creator of Naruto, the characters of Naruto reveal their deepest, darkest secrets, and their most eff-ed up epic problems. See how the cast of Naruto seek "therapy" with each other, Pokemon, Sailormoon, Hard Gay, and MUCH MORE. [4-shot COMPLETE]
1. Session 1

**A/N:** My attempt at the worst and best and the most creative pairings possible. No holds bar challenge! No graphic descriptions of sex, but Mature contents. This is a crack fic and was not meant to be taken seriously.

**Also, **no hate please**! This is for comedy, though **some contents MIGHT offend you**. If you think you are easily offended, leave now, for both our sanities! *I shakez you shouldurz*

This fic will have all characters and all pairings and all warnings. No discriminating gay/les/trans/het/orgys/incest/bestiality/and everything else I can't think of.

**I'm not against suggestions and ideas.** You can leave in the comment and if I decided to use it, I will dedicate that chapter to you and send you a PM letting you know.

And of course, I don't own Naruto and the characters and Kishimoto-sensei (I wish), and I don't profit from this fanfiction.

Without further interruption, let us welcome Kishimoto Masashi-sensei, the creator of Naruto, to the stage!

Let's all have fun!

_GoddessHAX ballet-twirls off the page._

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**Session 1**

* * *

"Welcome to Kishimoto-Sensei's Therapy Sessions!" Kakashi's nin-dogs tried to hold up this sign, but since they have no fingers, the sign quickly fell over and crashed on the floor bringing them with it. A cloud of dust gathered where they have fallen.

Pakkun climbed on Kakashi's shoulder and pointed with his paw, "Ok you jerks, punch bowl is on the left, and the potato chips are on the right, the bathroom is down the hall for humans, and bring your own goddamn tissues. And no smoking!" He kicked Orochimaru in the face.

"But—but I wasn't smoking!" Orochimaru answered him in his usual creepy pedo rapist coarse voice.

"I know, I but hate your EYESHADOW!" Pakkun slapped him in the face. Orochimaru fell over. Pakkun is goddamn strong.

"Good job." Kakashi patted his head and gave him a doggy biscuit. Pakkun purrs.

"Ahem." Kishimoto Masashi cleared his throat as he gestured for everybody, _yes_, every character from_ 'Naruto'_ to sit down in a circle regardless if they are from the past, present, future, dead, or god forbid—original characters made up by fans (they get the nosebleed section though). "So I have gathered you all here today to talk about your problems. It's really _really_ getting out of hand. And I mean, problems that are beyond matching eyeshadows with the proper outfits."

"You are correct." Sasuke raised his hand, like the good student that he is, "I believe the series should be renamed to 'Sasuke'. I mean, come on, I am obviously stronger, more popular, and the ladies lourrveee me."

Sakura, Ino, Karin, Mizukage, and all the female side characters that had once flaunt over Sasuke all nodded in unision. They held up fan signs.

"See?" Sasuke winked at his cheering section as they fell over fainted in an incoherent heap on the floor. "I know how you girls feel. I can't resist myself either. That's why I make clones and only have sex with my bunshins. Nobody is as sexy as me."

"And this is exactly why we can't have Sasuke on the show anymore!" Kiba jumped up and pointed an accusing finger at the Uchiha. Akamaru growled. "He's selfish and useless and he's weak! He was only created for the girls! He's too handsome for this shounen show. And he has gay sex with his clones! And he's probably is gay!"_ Nothing against gays, _Kiba whispered under his breath. "And I want him out, NOW!"

"Hey, Kiba, don't talk about Sasuke like that he's my best friend!" Naruto jumped onto his seat. "And I love him!" He pouted. "I mean, like a brother of course!"

"Shut up, Naruto!" Everybody said in unison.

"Who's Naruto?" Sasuke picked his ear with his pinky. "I think I heard about this guy before, from years ago. I kept running away from him, but he kept chasing."

"But… but Sasuke! You are my best friend and I love you and I will bring you back to Konoha and we could have ramen with Sakura-chan and we can train together and everything will be fine and be completely back to normal! I have this huge fantasy that once you realized your mistake, you will come back to our hometown and forgive everyone who'd wrong you and your clan, even though they made Itachi kill everyone including your parents and you had to live in the shadows of pain and suffering- BUT we'll live happily ever after!" Naruto held his fists in air, tears streaming down his face. "It would be BEAUTIFUL, Sasuke!"

"Konoha? I think I remember that I need to destroy it for some stupid selfish reasons that made no sense, thanks for reminding me." Sasuke grinned, chidori in hand. "And you, " He glanced at Naruto, "I still barely remember who you are."

"Ok ok everyone, settle down. Let Naruto speak, he is the main character after all and we should hear what he has to say."

"You only said that because you created him to be the main character!" Old man Tatsuna stood holding Hayate's hand. "But what about us, huh? You could have given us better back stories and we could have been more important!"

Inori cried.

Utakata shrugged. "At least I'm handsome and I got some unexpected screen time and back story during the anime. I even magically had a girlfriend. I'm ok with that."

"I thought we are letting me, the great Uzumaki Naruto, speak! Now listen. It's too bad you guys are not the main character, or not even a popular _very minor character _like Sasuke, but I think we should all agree on what Kishimoto-sensei wants, right?"

Everybody nodded sagely, even if they are not sages.

"Naruto, I think you are trying to take our Sasuke!" Sakura chimed in.

"Yeah!" Ino agreed.

"I swear! Even though we are Uzumakis, I will KILL YOU IF YOU SO MUCH AS TOUCH SASUKE OMG." Karin threw a chair at Naruto. And then she whispered to him on the side while the other girls are fighting over Sasuke. "But shhhh, don't let the rest of the kids know that I'm also an Uzumaki, alright? They're dumb and even though Kishimoto-sensei dropped obvious hints, they would never figure it out! I'm officially without a last name, and you think they would be able to fill that part in!"

Nagato used tele-kinesis. _"Yes! Let's not let the kids figure out our secret!" _Karin and Naruto looked at him. Nagato's eyes darted from left to right suspiciously.

Naruto whispered to Karin, "I think Nagato thinks he could still talk to people through kinesis or something, poor guy…"

Back at the main conversation, a random side character girl that'd liked Sasuke stood up and complained, "Yeah, what the bullshit is that?! I'm like in love with him, so stop making him gay!"

Sasuke shrugged, "I can't help that I'm just that handsome. It's both a blessing and a curse, I tell you." Sasuke sighed, annoyed. He can't believe they are going to talk about how hot he is again for the nth time.

"Ok, this is where you are wrong, girls." Kishimoto felt like he's interrupting them, "You want to talk about problem? Naruto chasing after Sasuke is not a problem, he does that anyways, for like 12 years already. You want to talk about Hinata's crush on Naruto? This is not where we will discuss this. It's great, yes, I drew her boobs real big and she's really shy, and Naruto doesn't notice her." He took a deep breath. "What I mean, are like real problems. Like that time when Kiba caught his mom having sex with the dog. Those kinda problems."

Everybody gasped and looked at Tsume.

"What? You mean you never had doggy style?" Tsume burped.

Kuromaru barked happily.

Kiba's little sister, Hana, peeked her head out from the crowd, "Yeah, me too and it was great!"

Akamaru barked happily.

Kiba facepalms. His day has just gotten a lot worse.

"Exactly, those kind of problems." Kishimoto gestured for them to listen to him. " I want to hear your dirtiest secrets, your deepest desires, no matter how wrong they are. I want to know your fucked up lives, people. So speak up, don't be afraid now, daddy's here. I don't care if it's gay or straight or with animals or with your bushin…" Sasuke winked. "Or with your own mother, in another world, in your head, back in time," Naruto shifted uncomfortably in his seat, "or even with sharp inanimate objects," Tenten blushed and cleared her throat. "I want to hear about them. Tell me your secrets…"

* * *

**_to be continued..._**

* * *

**A/N:** Comment and let me know what you think ^^ I never wrote comedy before, I hope I did ok :D :D


	2. Session 2

**A/N**: O_o; WAT.

* * *

**Session 2**

* * *

"So, Naruto, since you are the hero of the story, I would like you to confess first. Set a good example for the kids, won't you?"

Udon, Myogi, Konohamaru, Inori, Hinata's little sister, Kiba's little sister, Chibi Sasuke, Chibi Naruto, Chibi Kurama, and the rest of the Chibi forms of Bijyuus came darting from their play area to sit in a circle in front of Naruto. Their big eyes beaming with pride and admiration. "Naruto-niichan, tell us your story! Be a good example for us!"

"EEK! Errr…"

"Go on." Kishimoto pushed Naruto into the center of the room and left him in the spotlight. He went back in the dark to rub his hands deliciously, his eyes sparkled with a malice from the dark. "Eeeeexcellent…"

"Umm well, ok, in the beginning of time, there was a Rikudou Sennin…"

"No, not that story! That story is boring!"

"No it's not!" A teary-rinnegan-eyed Rikudou Sennin hovered behind Gaara, "It's the best story of all! I particularly, created all of yous!"

"Shut up!" Kishimoto stood up and pointed at him, "I created yous!"

Rikudou Sennin sank back into his chair and thought about life.

Kishimoto crossed his legs and shifted uncomfortably. "Ok, Naruto, I want you to tell us about the time you fucked your mom."

There was a gasp united from all the characters and whispers to each other was heard.

The chibis rolled on the floor and drooled, because they are innocent and stupid. A chibi Gaara with a teddy bear that was riding on the back of a chibi Shunzaku asked, "Hey, what is _fuck_?"

A spotlight casted on Kushina who was caught like a deer in the headlight. She was on her knees and giving the Raikage a blow job, his severed left arm had taken on a life of its own and-was fisting her in the ass.

"Oh no!" Raikage said.

"Mmvfzikjfblfb" Kushina said, mouth still occupied.

"…." The severed arm said.

"MOM!" Naruto screamed.

"HONEY!" Minato screamed and pulled out his hair so hard that his head fell off. (the offstage crew, who are Kakashi's nin dogs, took the head and glued it back. He's good as new.) "HONEYYYY!" He screamed again. His eyes popped out from its sockets with a great force, his left eye bounced off Temari's right boob as his right eye launched directly at Sasuke's left nut and bounced off and hit Neji in the eye. The three screamed.

"OH MY BOOB HAS BEEN TAINTED!"

"MY LEFT NUT!"

"SASUKE'S LEFT NUT! I mean... MY EYE!"

Minato screamed again as blood shot out from his eye sockets. He ran around blindly running into people. "NOOooooOOooooO!" He screamed some more because he's crazy.

"Now you know how I feel..." Shisui ran around blindly, running into people and knocking they shit down. "Oops excuse me. Ma'am excus- Oops agai- Ouch, sorry excus-"

Chibi Kurama farted. Chibi Sasuke poked chibi Naruto in the eye and then they both cried. Chibi Sakura came up from behind them and crush them together to make them kiss, "GAWD DAMMIT MAKE OUT." She smiled sweetly, then crawled off in her onesies.

"Kushina, you really have to calm down with the urges." Kishimoto wrote something in his notebook.

"But but but… I just can't! I have so much chakra to burn!" Kushina raised her head from between the Kabuto's legs.

"Let's hear about that time you and Naruto did the naughty."

"Yeah, Naruto, tell us about your mom's pussy!"

The crowd cheered.

"Ok, it was like this… So I was in my head right and I thought she disappeared after all that sappy speech… but she came back..."

Everyone gasped.

"… at night…"

GASP.

"wearing a christmas thong"

GASP.

"but it wasn't just any Christmas thong, it say….. Christmas 1989."

GASP.

"… and then she asked me: do you want it? And I was like: yeah."

*_SWOOSH~~_ flashback sequence*

He was skipping in slow motion into the air as Kushina embraced him in a naked hug. They twirled as they landed in a giant bowl of ramen, they splashed around in it naked in their nakedness.

"Son, show mommy what a sexy boy you are."

"HOKAY."

Naruto rubbed ramen all over his body and moaned "Oh, ramen!"

"Do it again." Kushina licked her lips.

"Oh oh oh ramen!" nearing his climax.

Kushina rubbed ramen on his nipples.

"Oh ramen!"

"Scream louder!" Kushina took a giant piece of bamboo shoot ramen topping and rubbed it on Naruto's groin.

"Oh menma!" Naruto screamed.

"Hey, who called me?" Menma peeked his head out from behind a giant piece of Naruto topping, his dark hair drenched with soup. "Hey, it's you."

"Hey baby, come to mommy." Kushina gestured for Menma to come.

"HOKAY."

Kushina rubbed a giant piece of naruto on Menma's groin while rubbing a giant piece of menma on Naruto's groin.

"OH MENMA!" Naruto moaned.

"OH NARUTO!" Menma moaned.

"OH HONNEEEYYYYY!" Minato popped out from nowhere and ran head first into the giant ramen bowl and was knocked unconscious.

"OH MINATO, why are you here again?" She sighed. _Why can't she have freaky sex with her son(s) without Minato popping out of nowhere at inappropriate times?!_

And then, Menma and Naruto both had sex with Kushina while rubbing each other with ramen, ramen toppings, and ramen soup base, and more ramen than you can shake a stick at. They did freaky things with the green onion and her ass, and then they both double-stuffed her using ramen soup as lubricant because it's freaky and Kushina likes freaky.

Chibi Sakura popped out from no where and crushed Menma and Naruto's heads together, "MAKE OUT GODDAMMITT." She then flew back out of the flashback innocently gliding on glitter while sucking on a pacifier.

And then Menma and Naruto made out, because twins from another world should love each other—_and their mom_.

*SWOOSH~~ End flash back*

"Well, I guess, no one loves ramen more than you, Naruto." Kishimoto sighed as he jot down more notes. "And Menma…"

"Present." A spotlight shone above Menma as he posed with his toned chest exposed. Sasuke's fanclub rushed to his side and started molesting him. They turned their fan signs around as it light up "Menma." Instead of "Sasuke" that was on the flip side.

"Wait… what? MY FANS." Sasuke was pissed.

"Naw, the ladies love me." He smirked. "I'm dark Naruto after all and that's sexy."

"Wait, but what about me?" Naruto pointed to himself , "Hey, I could be sexy.. Loook!" He tried to pose, but his pants ripped and he farted, the fart tornadoed to Temari's other boob as it bounced off to Sasuke's right nut, and deflected to Neji's left nostril. They screamed.

"OH MY OTHER BOOB!" Temari yelled.

"MY OTHER NUT!" Sasuke clutched his testicles.

"OH MY FUCKIN' NOSE" Neji went to the hospital.

Menma made out with Ino and Sakura rubbed her ass on his thigh. Mizukage was caressing his arms as all of the random Sasuke fans from the anime fainted at his feet. "I'm too good to just be in the movie."

_**Meanwhile…**_

Minata kept running into the ramen bowl. "HONEY!" *clank* "HONEEYYYY!" *clank* "BUT HONEEEYYYY!" *clank*

_**Meanwhile…**_

Sasuke committed suicide from the lack of fans.

_**Meanwhile…**_

The author of this fic saves him because OMG SASUKE CAN'T DIE HE'S MINE AND I LOVE HIM OMG.

_**Meanwhile…**_

Sasuke killed the author of this fic because he's a spiteful bitch.

_**MEANWHILE…**_

That's not possible because I'm still typing, you little bastard. I flicked Sasuke into the Pokemon universe as I watched him DING in the sky.

"NoooooOoooooOooo~~!" Sasuke yelled as he landed on Pikachu.

"Pika pi, pika?" (translation: What the fuckin' fuck?)

**MEANWHILE…**

Kishimoto cleared his throat. "Ok everyone, we did great today. Kushina only had sex with 3 inanimate objects, 2 incests, and 53 men today. She made a huge improvement. Let's all give her a hand."

Everyone clapped. Raikage's severed arm clapped the floor. It looked happy.

"Naruto also did great today at controlling his urges with ramen and only ate 35 bowls and had sex with only 20 bowls and he used the soup as lubricant instead of none."

Everyone clapped.

Naruto bowed. "Thank you. Thank you everyone. Thank you for your continuing support."

"And Menma… well, Menma did great."

"What did you say?" Sakura and Ino fed him ramen on the red velvety couch while the Mizukage fanned him from the back. Karin was giving him a message. "Oh yeah, whatever."

"But Sasuke, well, he's kinda important and we need to bring him back." Kishimoto stood up as he pointed in the direction of which he was flicked. "So guys, we are going on a road trip- to PALLET TOWN."

**Preview:** Next Session, the showdown between Sasuke and Pikachu.

Kishimoto Misashi will finally meet his nemesis….. Tajiri Satoshi, the creator of Pokemon.

_-and much more!_


	3. Session 3

A/N: Smoking my hookah while writing this. Tangiers. That some strong shit. Hookah fans, you know what I'm talking about *wink*.

And I hope to god this is not the first thing you ever read of me. How embarrassing…

* * *

**Session 3**

Taking an inter-anime spaceship, the cast of _Naruto_ arrived at Pokeverse, following Sasuke who had been dinged away by the author who is a little messed up in the head. Probably too much weed, per say.

The author would like to defend herself, "Not enough, no, never enough weed…." As she cha-cha out of the story with a joint in hand and disappeared because nobody wants to see her. They are only here for the messed up anime sex.

But not before being arrested by Officer Jenny, "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE."

"Oh FML." D:

"Ok ok people, calm your ninja tits down, we are approaching Pallet town!" Kishimoto-sensei pointed to a town. "We are here." They have arrived.

Well, that was fast.

"Now where is that Sasuke so I could beat him up?" Naruto said, searching for said Uchiha.

"Wait, Naruto, I thought he's your BFF!" Sakura hit him on the head.

"Oh yeah. I forgot. I mean, Sasuke, my love! Get your ass over back here so I could thoroughly penetrate you with my demon cock!" Naruto took off his pants.

Everybody watched in awe.

"Wow, no wonder you are the hero of our story!" Konohamru cheered.

"Hey, stop ripping off the filler, we know that crap is shit!" Kishimoto complained. No doubt, and quite literally, crap _is_ shit.

Sakura beat him over the head, "Wrong fanfic! Stupid Naruto. You have ramen for brains or something?!" hit hit hit hit hit…

"Ow ow ow ow ow…!"

Off in a distance, Sasuke landed on an angry Pikachu.

"Pika pi! PIKA!" (translation: Fuck you, stupid bastard, get your ass off my tail!)

"Hey, what's going on?! Pikachu, electric shock!" Ash commanded.

"Hey, what the fuckin' fuck?!" Sasuke jumped in surprise, dodging electricity attack as he dodged.

Sasuke use Dodge.

Enemy appeared, FIGHT.

Cue 8-bit gamboy first generation battle music.

"The enemy pokemon is strong! Pikachu, use that electricity thing you do that explode things!" Ash points, blue speed lines flying in the bg like this is all really intense and stuff. He turn his cap BACKWARD. It is ON.

Sasuke turn his headband backwards… He broke out a mirror to check himself out. He look stupid. And turns it back around.

"Chidori!" Sasuke use Chidori.

Pikachu use Thunderbolt.

"Pika pi pi pi!" (Take that retarded human!)

"Another lightning type chakra user. This summoned beast is strong!"

Sasuke use hand seals.

Pikachu use agility.

Ash screams, "Pikachu watch out!" all desperately yelling.

Pikachu use Growl.

Sasuke growls back.

"This beast is angry! I guess I must use angst, because it's all I'm good for anyways. ANGST!  
Sasuke use ANGST, the most powerful weapon known to fic-kind.

Ash and Pikachu cries.

Seeing the opportunity, Sasuke flashes sharingan.

"Sharingan!" Sasuke use Sharingan.

"Watch out Pikachu! This pokemon has hypnosis abilities!" Wipes tears with a tissue.

"HA!" A bloodlust in Sasuke's eyes.

Pikachu was trapped in a genjutsu.

What Sasuke doesn't know is that when you use genjutsu in Pokeverse, it has another effect.

A _sexy_ effect.

A sparkle invaded Pikachu's soften heart. Pikachu look at Sasuke with hearts in his eyes.

"Pika pi~~~ PI KA~~ CHUUUUU~~" Pikachu jump towards Sasuke, arms open wide. (OMG ur so handsome!)

Pikachu use Rape.

"What the-!?"

Sasuke, not being able to use Dodge fast enough, was butt rape by a Pikachu through his pants.

"NOOO!"

"PIKA PI!" (damn right, get on your knees betch!)

"OMG PIKACHU, are you alright!?" Ash watched, worried.

"Oh my ass!" Sasuke tried to run away, but Pikachu held him down with his tail.

Pikachu use Nuzzle.

"Wait that feels kinda good," Sasuke purrs. "Do it again."

Pikachu did him harder, lighting sprung from his groin.

That was the best sex Sasuke ever had.

Ash watched, a little turned on, he too, under sharingan's abilities.

"Well, that was kinda hot." Ash joins in. "That's one sexy pokemon."

Soon, Sasuke was giving a blowjob to Ash with Pikachu screwing him in the ass.

"Mmmm!"

"Oh!"

"Pika!"

The 3 got it on in the open fields. The fucked in all these inter-children-anime-inter-galatically-impossible positions.

Soon enough, 3 pokeballs was shoved up Sasuke's ass and he likes it, because he's a desperately kinky hoe.

With the 8-bits music looming in the bg, he sucked harder, the music was such a turn on.

They had him on the ground.

On a tree.

On top of Professor Oak's laboratory.

On a rock.

On the stadiums.

On Mewtwo.

On a clifairy.

On top of Nurse Joy.

Wait, how did she get here? No matter.

They all molested and each other while getting their kinky selfs on.

Gary appeared, made out with Ash.

Professor Oak appeared, tapped Gary in the ass.

Team Rocket use their pocket rockets. Jesse use her pussy. James use his games.

And very soon, the entire cast of Pokemon bukkake on Sasuke's face, because nothing else says love and welcome to our anime, like some good ol' fashion bukkake.

And then all—ummm—718 pokemon (counting, including ones from XY) bukkake on Sasuke's face.

"Ughf" He said as he was drowning in a sea of cum.

He was the Pallet-town bicycle.

"Wait wait wait! Hold on just a sec!" A man pushed everybody away. He's Satoshi Tajiri, the creator of Pokemon. "How did this poor child get into our universe?! What perversion is this-?!"

Before he could finished his sentence, something was raping him from behind.

"It is me!" Kishimoto was raping him in the ass, "We have arrived!"

"Vile damnation! Ughf!" Tajiri-sensei moaned passionately.

They got it on, because that's what happens behind the scenes anyways.

"Everybody STOOOPPP!" Orochimaru parted the crowd. "Sasuke's body belong to meeeeeee!" and dragged Sasuke from the sea.

"Oh, right. Sorry, I forgot" Sasuke makes out and has hard sex with Orochimaru, but that's too generic, author chose not to elaborate.

"Where did you all come from?" Asked Tajiri in a heated moment of passion.

"We are here for Sasuke, he needs therapy, for being messed up!" Kishimoto spanks Tajiri's ass.

"That's cool. Harder." Tajiri twisted passionately, moaned passionately, and panted passionately. He's a passionate person.

"Hey, what about saving Sasuke and bringing him bac—ughf" Naruto's mouth was muffled by Squritle's cock in his mouth.

"Squirtle..Squuuuurr!" (oh hell yeah!)

Off to the side, Chouji embraced a Snorlax. "Brother!"

"Snorlax, SNORRRR!" (MY BROTHER!)

They had sex anyways, because why not.

The cast of _Naruto_ and _Pokemon_, lost in a sea of passion for a couple of days, taking solider pills to replenish their energy. The pokemon cast, however, needs to eat, and haven't eaten, dies.

"Well, I guess that's that." Kishimoto sighed, a little disappointed, "And I didn't even get to fight my rival."

"Not so fast!" Tajiri sprung from the dead, "I'm not dead!"

They fought, the two creators, each using their pencils, they drew. Pages upon pages of hentai doujins, ink flow like the river from their pens.

"This is stupid!" Jealous, Sai too drew something. A cow. And put it on the fridge in Professor's Oak's house. "Now, that's better." He nodded in self-approval.

A hit and a kick, and a smack from his hentai doujin, the cast of _Naruto_ was dinged away back to ninjaverse.

"We have arrived." They sat in a circle again, drenched in inter-anime sweat. "Well, that was interesting." Kishimoto tapped his pen on his clipboard, a little embarrassed that he too, enticed himself in his share of messed-up-ness.

"Ok, what was that about?" Minato, still without his eyes, tripped over a chair. They didn't bring him cuz he was blind. "Hey! But you guys brought Shisui!" He pouted :(

"It's ok," Shisui pats him on the back. "I didn't know what happened either because I have no eyes to read. I just feel with my body." They made out. And talked, and held hands. So much in common. They got married.

Now, Kushina, Minato, and Shisui are in a 3some relationship, and Naruto has a new father. (Well, Kushina really has like a 100some relationships with everybody though)

"Dad?!" Naruto opened his arms towards Shisui. Tears in his eyes.

"Yes, my child, come…"

Shisui hugs, but hugged the wrong person, oops, as the matter of fact, it wasn't a person at all, it was the punch bowl. "There there, no need to spill your sticky tears on me…"

Itachi sighed deeply and shook his head in embarrassment. Uchihas are useless without their eyes.

"Now settle down people, this is getting out of hand." Kishimoto sneered.

Raikage's arm flops on the floor.

"You hit me where it hurts, man." Raikage tears. That statement hit too close to home.

"Yeh, that serves you right." Sasuke snorted. "You know what else is getting out of hand? The grammar of this chapter. Screw this, I'm outta here!"

Sasuke walked out shipuuden-ly, atrocious western music playing in the bg.

FML.

* * *

_In the next session_—The female ninjas are getting angry at the lack of messed-up yuri in this fic, and retaliates. Determined, they will bring some yuri to the next chapter so everyone can be happy—

_Until next time…_

**A/N: **O_o

I need some inspiration. Please help LOL. This fic is not to be taken seriously at ALL, so I don't mind requests. Please leave them in the comments if you have like 3 seconds to spare.


	4. Session 4

**A/N:** This is the epic conclusion to this series. I needa end it, it's really embarrassing, really…

Though, I would like to thank Yashagoro Shiore for the wonderful idea of Naruko and Hard gay so this final chapter shall be dedicated to the kind reviewer! :D

I'm glad you all enjoyed this fun-silly thing :D

* * *

**Session 4**

"You thought you knew everything, but you are all wrong once again!" Naruto jumps up and twirls around like Sailor Moon. "I have transformed into Sailor Naruko. Defender of Justice!" He whispered, "— someotherbullcraporanother."

"You're magnificent!" Jiraiya cheered with a hentai pervert blush on his face, clapping with sake bottle in hand. "Yes! Sailor Naruko!" He nosebleed sprays on Kishimoto-sensei's clipboard.

"Hey, watch where you spray your nosebleed!" He waved his clipboard around. It's all soaked now and all his notes thus far are stained with Jiraiya's nosebleed D:

80's anime opening screen flash across the background as Sailor Naruko posed. A Patlabor robot holding her up.

"OMG, so what do we do now?!" Konohamaru panicked.

Udon's sniffed back in his snot. "What?" He suddenly have swirls in his glasses and felt a lot smarter. (and he got a new pair of glasses!)

A wave of glitter blew in from the window, a shadow in a tuxedo posed handsomely with glittery flowers in the background. A man with a mask stood with his hand on his hips. He threw a kunai down, a rose glued at the end of it. It sparkled.

"I'm Tuxedo SASUKE!" He jumps down, landing perfectly on one knee. A mask on his face. Stood up and straightens. "You don't really know who I am, though my identity is really obvious!"

"Hey, I thought he brood and went away again—I mean, I don't know who this is! OMG, this mysterious stranger is coming to save our sorry butts in the nick of time! How ever do we live without Tuxedo Sasuke?!" Sakura and Ino said in perfect unison, stars in their eyes.

"RAWR!" The Gedo Statue appeared and growled, then spoke in a very uncharacteristic high squeaky voice "I'm magnificent!" He laughs squeakily. "Ha ha ha ha HA!"

"It's the Nega-Gedo! We must defeat it-!" Sailor Naruko shout, scratching the whisker marks on her cheeks. "Chakra prism power!" Sailor Naruko threw her tiara into the air only to be deflected by a wave of Nega-Gedo's nega-powers.

Nega-Gedo-Statue Nega-smashed its way through the cast of Naruto, death ensures.

It was a very intense battle, and they were about to be defeated. The Nega-Gedo had raped everyone, including Madara. He was not amused.

"I'm so not amused!" He rubbed his ass, sore, from the battle.

"Only the true source of power can save us now, who will it be? Even us, the main characters are useless now! I need my energy!" Sailor Naruko shout.

All the lights were dim except for a spotlight that was shone over the lone Ichiraku Ramen restaurant, an old man and his daughter walks out in their work uniform and aprons.

"It is me, Teuchi, with my trusted daughter Ayame!" He stripes energetically, threw his work uniform and apron into the air and LEAP! Speedlines were intense.

He did 3 summersaults in the air and made a perfect landing on the ground, the spotlight having a hard time chasing after his super-fast human powers. He stood up, clad in more or less only in tight shiny leather shorts and a really tight vase, his daughter, waving a big flag with a bowl of ramen as a design.

"I am Hard Gay, Razor RAMEN, the true defender of JUSTICE! Move aside, silly ninjas-scouts, this is not your fight!"

He turned his shiny diamond studded hat backwards, bondage gear in hand, hips thrusting speedily towards the Nega-Gedo Statue who took a step backward in FEAR.

"Fuuuuu!" He attacks, everyone watched as he took his shorts off and ramen sprout from his penis.

The Gedo coward in fear only in the end to be bend over and locked in bondage gear by Razor Ramen as he was deeply penetrated by the noodles from his crotch, using pork broth as lube.

"You are my hero!" Sailor Naruko jumps to hug Razor Ramen from behind, "I shall love you more with my body, because, just _because_…" Sailor Naruko's pussy suddenly magically changed into a dick, using her Moon Chakra Prism Power, giving Razor Ramen a good fuck from behind while Razor Ramen penetrates Nega-Gedo.

Tuxedo Sasuke was getting a little jealous and took off his pants, grabbed the nearest living thing nearby and buried his dick in it.

"Watch it, kid!" It was the Elder Frog, Fukasaku.

"Gross!" Tuxedo Sasuke looked around, a little lonely, nobody wanted him, "Oh well, I guess the Elder Frog will do…" With each pounding he read off the number on his back, "9 *pant* 31 *grunt*, 8 *pant*, 10 *moan*, 6, 7 *screams*, 207 *grunt*, 15*pant*"

"It's TA, you dipshit!" Sailor Naruko yelled from a distance.

Soon, everyone was having an orgy again, Kishimoto-sensei tried his best to calm everyone's horny titties down to no avail.

Sakura, Ino, and Karin all changed into She-males and raped and spank each other like a hentai doujin, calling each other "Sasuke", because they are really desperate, and because Sasuke is *cough*nowhere*cough* to be found, could only use each other's bodies to their raging teenager kunoichi hormonal satisfactions.

They had a better idea. 3 light bulbs appeared on top of their heads before disappearing again.

The all changed into Sasukes and raped each other contently, but we wouldn't call this rape, actually, we wouldn't call anything rape anymore, because they all liked it.

Minato, and Shisui, who is Naruto's new father, ran into each other blindly. The 4th hokage still having trouble locating his eyes held onto Shisui for moral support—UNTIL—Shikamaru, Chouji, Hayate, Iruka, Udon, and Konohamaru appeared—who all took off their pants at the same time, slongs flopping wildly in the air.

Shikamaru penetrated Minato's left eye socket, while Chouji penetrated the right one, Hayate, put his dick in Minato's mouth.

All Minato could say was "Ughf!" Before giving in to their ocular penetration, sweating, and moving his head with them.

Iruka penetrated Shisui's right eye socket, while Udon did his left one hard and fast, Konohamaru came in Shisui's mouth. He liked it. Shisui felt appreciated, finally,_ finally_, he wasn't left alone. He wiped his happy tears away, only to find they it was a mix of Iruka and Udon's cum. No matter, he will enjoy his moment in the spotlight while it lasts.

Raikage's severed arm wormed its way to another orifice, fists Pakkun in the ass. He barks—in raw canine animalistic satisfaction.

"Hey, this is pretty good, maybe I could use this as inspiration for my hardcore yaoi doujinshi…" Sai took out a scroll and a brush and drew a pig. He presented it to Kishimoto-sensei who pat him on the head.

"Good boy Sai, good boy. You get an A+ for effort."

Sai runs off skipping merrily, because his art is the best!

"No!" Deidara protested, "My art is the best!" He took clay from his pocket and chewed it with his hand, made a penis. He also presented it to Kishimoto-sensei.

"Well, that's nice… Errr…" Pats him on the head, dangles it over two fingers, didn't know what to do with it.

"My art is exp-LOSIVE!" The clay penis exploded in a cloud of smoke.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and changed back to their ninja forms.

Kishimoto-sensei coughed. Because the smoke was too much. "hmp hmp! Ok Ok, I have a better plan. If you guys are not going to control these urges, I will have to put this urge into better use. We—" He stood on top of a desk, ipad in hand and pushed the home button, "We will be the best of the best…. We shall dominate the entire world."

A gasp was heard throughout the entire room and everything was silent. The rose on the kunai fell over on the floor.

"Dammit, I should have used more expensive glue." Sasuke pout.

Kishimoto-sensei laughs, "BAWhahahaha! We shall invade and fuck all of Google, now, to the Cyberspace!"

What happened after, as we knew, was real.

Every damn page of Naruto related search results was some kind of hentai or yaoi fanart featuring Naruto and Hinata or Sasuke and Naruto, or Killerbee's tentacles with all the bijyuus (wait, you mean you didn't get that?).

All the fanfics were invaded, everything was sexual.

Everyone fucks everyone and everything.

Rule 34, Rule 64, and other imaginary rules that haven't been invented yet, but will, all because of Kishimoto-sensei's great idea.

Thus, marked the conclusion of this epic adventure of _Kishimoto-sensei's Therapy Sessions_.

Nobody was healed, they don't need the healing...

The Naruto fandom rules the internet with its pr0n.

The fans, they w00t. Mostly Naruto x Hinata fans that cares, and the SasuNaru and NaruSasu fans who ripped each other throats out and battle to no ends… other than that, the Ninjaverse was restored to norm.

An elderly man closed his browser window and sighed. It was a nice story, only, there was a slight problem…

"I waited 80 years, and Naruto still haven't ended yet, I gotta do something to pass time, ya know?" He jerks off to Naruto x Hinata x Tsunade x Sakura doujin, because, why not?

Off in a distance, a comet flew over a beautiful night sky, the end of the series was on it, disappearing, nowhere to be found.

O_o The end.

* * *

**A/N:** That's it! Wow, that was pointless, but I had fun writing it to take a break from my ummm, more serious fics like _"A Layer Above"_ or _"Perhaps in Another Lifetime"._ Do check those out, but if you like this one, maybe you wouldn't like those hahahaha. Those has grammar and real sentence structures and stuff *sweatdrops* *slaps self silly*


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